Gloria, a reluctant Guardian Angel

In 2017, I enrolled on a life writing course, and Gloria, a reluctant Guardian Angel, emerged from a writing exercise where we were encouraged to write with exaggeration and hyperbole. I think I managed it; in any case, I hope you enjoy it.

Gloria, a reluctant Guardian Angel

Gloria is an infinite being, capable of existing across and within all dimensions, but she is also a guardian angel to a group of humans on planet Earth. It is fair to say that Gloria is not entirely happy about this as she can think of any number of things she would rather be doing than watching over a raggle, taggle bunch of humans.

Still, she has been assigned, the work is there to be done, and so she goes on.

Technically speaking, Gloria is as old as time itself and has no predefined gender but chooses to show up on Earth to the individuals in her group as a black, working-class woman in her fifties. On this planet, she feels an imbalance between power, gender, and race. So, she is determined to do her bit to redress this. There is always a bigger picture with Gloria.

When Gloria travels around Earth, she prefers to use anything with an engine rather than constantly rearranging her molecules and squeezing them through interconnected dimensions. She considers this too much like hard work, much to the frustration of her mentor Christine, who thinks it is far too undignified for an infinite being to clamber about on Earth on a man-made machine. Especially the 1959 250cc Simpson that Gloria currently favours.

And today, Gloria is riding her red Simpson to see Rainbow, the one human from her group that challenges and tests her patience the most. And as the wind rushes through and around her, Gloria thinks back over their past encounters.

Encounter One:

‘What do you mean, I’m not your only human?’

A surprising first question thinks Gloria as she introduces herself with the usual preliminaries. It can’t be every day an infinite being visits you in your home. One would have thought there would be other, more pressing questions; perhaps it’s the shock.

Gloria takes a breath to create the space she needs to collect herself. She is, after all, supposed to have infinite wisdom and patience, but the question and the way it has been asked have challenged her. So, she responds with:

‘How many of us infinite beings do you think there are? Of course, we have more than one human to look after. What books have you been reading?’

‘I suppose so,’ is Rainbow’s grudging response.

Encounter Two:

‘I’m your Guardian Angel, not your fairy Godmother. I don’t grant wishes. Do you see a wand, a diamond tiara?’

This is Gloria’s incredulous response to Rainbow’s written list of requirements, presented at the start of their second encounter. After the initial shock, Rainbow is more interested in the practical aspects of having a guardian angel. What can Gloria do to help her buy her first home, get a good job and meet Mr Right and thought it would be helpful to present this list to her:

Dear Gloria

Since our first meeting, I have had a chance to consider how we might best work together. I think it’s essential that we establish rapport and trust, so I want to know if you can help with some or all of my most pressing issues.

1) I need to have found my life partner by the time I’m 28; this will make it much easier for me to have children and continue my career.

2) To enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, I need a marketing role which pays £38,000 a year, enabling me to run an affordable car around five years old.

3) I also want to buy a flat — two bedrooms should be big enough.

4) Levels of fitness, I know I need to put in some work, but if there is anything you can do, I would very much appreciate it.

5) Contacts for my career; if I’m not your only human, you probably know the right people.

6) A smaller bum, not too small, just a slight narrowing, will do

With thanks and anticipation

Rainbow 😊

Rapport and trust, wonders Gloria as she reads the letter a second time and asks, ‘What is this symbol by your name?’

‘It’s a smiley face; we don’t know each other well enough for kisses,’ Rainbow answers.

None of the above is of the slightest interest to Gloria; her purpose is to build and strengthen Rainbow’s resilience and ability to withstand whatever shit life on Earth throws at her. Or, as Christine, her mentor would explain it, ‘support the inner work.’

It’s up to Rainbow to sort out all the other stuff.

‘Then what’s the point if you are not going to make my life easier? Why are you here? If you can’t smooth my path through life, create opportunities, open doors, and make the right introductions, why bother?’

Is Rainbow’s not unreasonable reaction, finishing with ‘What does a Guardian Angel do anyway?’

Encounter Three:

Gloria arrives prepared with an answer to Rainbow’s last question.

‘I am here to watch over you, be with you and help you weigh your choices and options. All the other stuff is largely bullshit. My job is to help you survive and thrive in the world you live in, and this will not happen if everything is laid out on a plate for you.’

‘I beg to differ,’ is Rainbow’s answer, ‘can I get a different Guardian? What if I choose not to work with you?’

At this point, Gloria rolls her eyes and takes a slow and considered drag from her roll up and answers with:

‘Doesn’t work like that; it’s one of those immutable laws. You get what you are given; in this case, that’s me, though you can ignore my counsel. But I would suggest you pay me some heed if only to reduce the amount of willy waving and fanny flashing you might come across.’

‘What?’

‘The noise people make when they don’t have anything real to say.’

‘Oh, balls,’ mutters Rainbow, as she realises that Gloria has had access to every thought and impulse she’s had since birth.

That’s how Guardian Angels roll.

Encounter Four

‘Gloria doesn’t seem like the right name for a Guardian Angel; I’d have chosen something more….’

Rainbow’s voice trails off as she becomes aware that the sunlight has disappeared, and she appears to be staring down a black hole….’

There is complete silence as Gloria fights to retain her composure, reminding herself that it’s not good form to throw a human into the void, no matter the provocation. That really would cause her mentor considerable stress. So once the impulse has passed, Gloria responds with:

‘My name has more meaning and significance than you could know, and I choose it to honour all women, past and present. Besides Rainbow?’

Now that she is no longer staring into the void, Rainbow can reply with:

‘Well, yes, I suppose you have to work with what you’ve got, and changes tack with, ‘Will I ever become like you?’ She looks critically at the DM-booted, black woman standing before her.’

‘You’ll be lucky’, mutters Gloria.

The end

Until next time

Janice Taylor